Legally Asian

The building I work at has many many many many attorneys- attorneys in every floor and the entire place is very antiquated (it was built in the 1890s). The building is gorgeous and even has fire hoses on each floor.

The only thing I hate is how friggin cccccold it is and I am shivvvvering as I type this. It is probably colder in this room than outside. Other than that I’m having a very productive day.

my mind is filled with so many thoughts which will probably work themselves out through out this summer. I start work on Tuesday as a law clerk. I have an interview tomorrow and several other vocational interests this week. I want to put myself into work to avoid feeling how I really feel. To keep busy instead of allowing myself to have feelings.

In sort of a fight with one of my best friends. It’s so weird- like when you fight with someone close to you- someone else who you weren’t as close with kind of makes up with you. My best friend and I are kind of distancing ourselves and in a weird way I’d like to think that it’s meant to be.

She recently started dating someone and I want them to be together. To spend more time together. It’s almost like part of me is waiting for her to “disappear” like all my other friends have. In a way I want to push her towards that because I want her to be with him. to get serious with him. to be happy because she deserves to be happy. And I kind of feel that the time that her and I did spend super close was exploring singlehood. and now that she’s like “left this world” and entered “coupledom”- he can take over.

It’s like deep down I know I need to tame my own demons before I can start dating again. And the last thing I want to do is force myself to date and purposefully put myself out there just so I don’t feel alone. Because that’s just stupid. 

Turned in my final this morning around 5:30am, commencing the beginning of summer. Ive realized that i am an emotional shopper. I shop when i am stressed. I shop when i am excited. I shop when i am sad. I shop to celebrate. I shop if i am bored.

Summer is going to go by quickly, i can feel it already! I start work next week, my states attorney internship the week after, then summer classes in june. Its weird but i kinda want to spend summer busy at work, making some green, and working out at the gym.

I think its really weird not being at the library. Best i can do is keep busy!

Staycation tm w a close friend from high school who i had not seen since 2006 until we bumped into eachother at the library!

going out tomorrow to buy copious amounts of lemons, maple syrup and cayenne pepper!

I figured I have a 5 day window in between starting my new internship (legal research woo) next week and getting this stupid paper done- due on the 16th!

perfect timing to detox after the semester :]